I read a comment today stating that I have great technical skill but 0 personality. I’m not hurt about that. I agree.

I’m a person that has dealt with a lot of childhood trauma. That led to me becoming extremely stoic. Almost numb to very basic expressions of emotion.

I’m not saying that there’s nothing felt ever. It’s just very extreme when I do and when I don’t. When I started making music, I learned how to rap, but I didn’t learn how to emote…unless I was on stage.

Performing at my uncle’s open mics gave me the ability to connect with an audience. That connection obviously didn’t translate to the studio. I didn’t realize there was an issue. Only because I felt that confirmation on stage.

It’s not until I slowed down my live performances that I recognized that I have 0 personality. Well… not 0…just a lack of understanding of how and what to express when. Imagine my emotions constantly trying to protect me from outsiders. Just say I’m easily triggered to defense mode. People say that individuals are weak for being that triggered, but they don’t realize that the bulk of this society has a spectrum of childhood traumas that they haven’t dealt with. Being triggered isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign that the trauma damaged that person differently. I’m one of those people.

What I do well is observe other people’s emotions, but recognizing and expressing the ones from my thoughts is hard. My awareness of how I come off to others is nearly invisible.

Big Mucci, the Line-Dance King, is a homie to me. He told me to treat the songs like I’m performing live. That’s what I do now. That helped. I’ve done that on records before, but never saw it as the method to bringing out that emotion.

I’m working through all of my trauma with therapy. Maybe in the future I’ll have a little more personality.